if it wasn't for that month ,would you smile warmly again ,like you truly mean it? if it had not been for the night three years ago,would you be the same child as you were now?the child who was once shy,timid is long gone,the life of a child who believed in love and faith ceased on that night, in the burning red flame,all reduced to ashes ,smothered,blown away by winds,the truth locked away,the remains hardened,fortress built up high and silently behind those piercing blue eyes,in them i see a ferment of emotions,apathy yet angry,longing yet afraid ,denial and confusion all mix,light years,still and distant cover not the sorrowful face,arrogance and pride is the colour of camouflage,it wraps you up so that it's never noticed,your pain or vulnerability ,even when it's reached the point of breakage,you will never back down or cringe from it,you said weeping is only for the weak,you know that even if you were to break down and cry,there aren't anyone beside you to comfort you of your sadness,so what is the point of crying?and there are things that can never be retrieved ,there's despair that will never be erased by time,so you decide to move on instead of dabbing in the rotten past .however ,underneath those layers of shield,lay a pure soul of its loneliness and desperate isolation ,desperate for something to hold on to,desperate for love and able to feel loved again.

if tears are the evidence of pain
then i shall not let you see it
i shall hide it in the rain
and let myself be the only one
who can hear the crying sound of those silent grief
summer wind rips the leaves from the branch before their lives
trampled and withered
freezing into dirty slush in the harsh winter
rises scarred but strong
carry the burden on the back
unspeakably heavy,
sagged down on my shoulders
wanting it to be lifted off so much
but now it's too late to step back or look behind
trudge forward through the yards of blank white snow
heaped up high around my knees
sometimes falling down
and standing back up again
over the hill
there is a faint line of light
brush of pale pink and lime green
dawn is coming
what is beautiful is fleeting
and i must get to there

if love never lasts
then i shall keep my distance
keep my heart shuttered
so that you will never see the marks to show that i have ever cared
secretly hide away the vulnerability
if this is the real you laying naked in the depths of my eyes
the thoughts of you is crying
drown in the silence of blue night
and let the loneliness hold me secure
sing me to sleep
and carry me through the nights
outside,
austere moonlight streams in through the window
a sheen of wintry lustre
inside of the room,
in the lingering soft glow
fire crackling in the fireplace,
raspes and throws sparks into darkness
turn onto my side
the air stirs and i close my eyes
lay wrapped in dreams
the dream of three
dream the contented dream
dream sleep wrapping my arms around you
and wake up to find ..what?
is it because i have got too accustomed to it
that i feel no more restricted
that i forgot the feeling of ever been alone
if my voice could reach back through the past
i''ll whisper in your ear :how i wish you were here.
late night and early light
summer comes and gone
no longer the same person
i forgot the last time i'd cried
i forgot the taste of the white flakiness on my lips
on the night of being so alone and afraid
without you by my side

borned in 14/12/1875,the name CIEL has the meaning of '' sky blue'' in french,undoubtedly,Ciel is different from any other 12 years old children ,sophisticated and cynical,regarding the distrustful human nature contemptuously,this young face shows the stoniness and determination,once he had all the things in his grasp,parents who loved him more than anything,a brief but happy childhood,i wonder if it hadn't been that fire ,if he had not been taken away and abused,Ciel would have been living a better life ,he would not have Sebastian beside him ,he wouldn't have made the deal which demanding his soul,he would have married Elizabeth,even though sooner or later he would die ,but it'd mean dying in the memories of those who loved him.again ,no matter how cold he looks,he is still a child ,loves playing games, making fun of his butler ,loves to see the funny face of his incredible butler when he fails to complete an order from him.it hurt to see him faking a smile ,a lie to conceal his motive ,a never-accomplished promise ,to an innocent girl who waves smiling back at him,when she's out of sight,raised hand drops down to his side ,eyes hardened taking a frosty glint ,smile fading at his lips,again ,he's cold and cruel when it comes to completing mission on the orders from the queen ,he will try any means to get what he wants,he wont tolerate failure hence will not hesitate in making move,kicking off those who stay in his way ,to ensure he is able to climb to a higher place,even if it means stepping on other dead bodies ,letting the tears of other flow ,or sacrificing other lives ..

but who have caused the transition of a young innocent boy,the society ..this is a world full of lies ,pretentiousness ,and hyprocrites,either be the deprived or the depriver ,ciel see everyone as wanting something from him when they devote to serve him,he believes in no one except himself,the relationships built up based on profits and status ,once common interest is removed disloyalty and betrayal will be surfacing.the oppresion of poor ,noble fight for power,